Phil Reed Coaching

YOU ARE HERE

A few years ago, one very dark and extremely cold winter’s evening, I was cycling though the centre of my local park when I passed an elderly gentleman. He had stopped his mobility scooter under a street light, (surrounded by the dark expanse of the park), and I saw that with an anxious brow, he was studying a large map unfolded across his handlebars.

Being uneasy about whether he might be lost – I returned to where he was, and asked “Excuse me, do you know where you’re going?” The gentleman looked up cautiously, smiled broadly, lifted his cloth cap, before breaking out in laughter, replying “I know where I'm going young man. I just don’t know where I am!”

This in turn made me laugh – not least because he had addressed, in my 50's, as a ‘young man’ - resulting in a magic moment of two strangers giggling together.

Thinking back , I like to think that perhaps what really tickled our humour was the recognition of a universal truth, and that life is so often like this, in that we know where we want to be, but we don't know where we are, or where our starting point is.

We usually know where we're headed, but all too often often we don’t know where we are.

And this not being aware of where we are – in the present moment - can be very confusing, even causing at times - anxiety and stress.

Getting back to my story about the elderly gentleman; it being my local area, I was able to point out on the map, where he was currently starting from – at which he immediately steered his scooter 180° around and set off in the direction he’d come from, waving a jaunty thank you as he went!

The good news in life is that it's actually only our thinking that takes us out of now; and that returning to a quiet or lighter mind, always brings us back to our bearings - from which we can then proceed.

Only in the present moment, can we make adjustments. And in fact even that’s not necessary. Simply giving space for our bearings to settle – naturally, and without effort, is all that's required for us to start from here.

BEHIND EVERY PICTURE ...

3/5/2016

[The picture heading this website is one I took whilst visiting Charmouth beach, Dorset, England].

BEHIND EVERY PICTURE

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate to visit Dorset in the south of England, and more specifically the area known as the Jurassic Coast - famous for its geology, and the fossil remains of sea creatures from the Jurassic seas of up to 180 million years ago. (I don't know about you, but whenever I read about 'prehistoric history', my brain does a somersault in its attempt to understand this oxymoron. In attempting to put this into some kind of context, us humans have been around 'only' one million years!)

The Jurassic Coast is a world heritage site which stretches 95 miles from Swanage to Exmouth. The clay, shale, and limestone cliffs continually crumble onto the beach below, releasing the amazing fossils. This is particularly evident in the coast around Lyme Regis. How incredible then that these fossils are seeing the first light of day in 180 million years! And how wonderful that anyone can stroll along the beaches and with a little patience, uncover this vast period of history for themselves.

It was on Charmouth beach, east of Lyme Regis that I had my first experience of fossil hunting. We'd missed the date for joining a guided fossil hunt - but how difficult could it be, I thought? There were people of all ages young and combing the beach, and here I was, on my first fossil hunt - in my 50's! Where had I been all my life?! Although to be fair, I did try a little as a 8-10 year old. I can remember taking what could only be described as 'concrete oddments' (found in my back garden) to Mr Denzie, my primary school head teacher - and a keen amateur palaeontologist. The family joke was that on examining my finds, he would say kindly 'Interesting - not very interesting ... but interesting!'

Getting back to Charmouth beach that late afternoon, it was immediately apparent that this fossil hunting was something to be taken very seriously. Everyone looked so confident! 'Striding along the beach in their wellington boots, carrying their large buckets. I felt like quite an amateur, with only had my pocket to store any finds. Perhaps I too could be promoted next time to having a bucket! And then there were those who were had geological hammers! Wow, they must be good at this, I thought. They obviously know what they're looking for.

There were whole families involved - and why not! The younger ones excitedly scrambling up the cliffs before bringing pebbles, rocks, and clay back down to their parents. Typically dad was the one with the hammer - sitting with legs astride striking the latest offering with great gusto.

It was all very impressive; that is, apart from one thing. On looking closer, I realised that there were very few fossils actually being released. Peering into buckets as I passed, I saw drift wood, attractive pebbles, and coloured glass - yes. But anything resembling a fossil? Well not really.

I then had an amusing thought. We all know how appearances can be deceptive. I found myself wondering how many of the vast numbers of fossil hunters on the beach actually knew what they were looking for? More to the point, even if they did know what they wanted - were they looking in the right place? Perhaps they were all as clueless as I felt?!

"Why study the ancient past? Because it gives us perspective and humility. There are an infinite number of histories that we could've had. We only get one, and wow, did we ever get a good one."

Kenneth Lacovara PhD. World renowned palaeontologist, who has unearthed some of the largest dinosaurs ever to walk the planet. View his TED talk here.

As we later found out thanks to Stuart, the fossil warden - the best place to find fossils (ammonites) was at the water's edge, as this is where the waves wash up the fossils that have broken away from the cliffs and that have been naturally eroded by the sea. He showed us some samples - which he kept in his pocket! Grey pebbles, with traces of white on the outside, indicating the fossil inside.

And he was right - we did indeed find some fossils of our own at the water's edge!

But as exciting as this was - realising how these fossils came ultimately from the same source as the stuff you and me are made of? Now how exciting is that?!

Looking out across the vastness of the sea, the sun getting ready to set once more behind the horizon, I was reminded of how our experience of life 'works'; it's infinite wisdom of mind lying beyond the boundaries of personal thought. In those moments when any notion of personal thought drops back into the formless universal mind - we catch a glimpse of our 'prehistory'. And with that, we're able to sense with grace and humility, our true place in this wonder we call life.

A TRAIN OF THOUGHT

12/4/2016

I first wrote this in 2006, whilst commuting by train several days a week to London. This was before I'd come across The Three Principles - which don't actually mention 'perception' as separate to thought (belief), but rather as an example of thought (along with memory, opinion, etc).

Of course , the 3PS also explain that we don't get to choose our 'travelling companions' - but we can always choose what to pay attention to!

And so with this caveat, I hope that these words are helpful as a suggestion in how we as humans function.

A TRAIN OF THOUGHT

‘Perception’ and ‘Experience’ are travelling companions to ‘Belief’.

Imagine them in the station waiting room as you start your journey through the day.

‘Belief’ says ‘The train is late again. This is hopeless!’
‘Perception’ scuttles off out onto the platform and gathers evidence.
It soon returns.
‘Perception’ tells ‘Belief’ “How do you always know? It IS hopeless!
You’re right again!”
‘Experience’ listens in .. and not wanting to be left out, delivers some fitting sensations.

‘Perception’ and ‘Experience’ are travelling companions to ‘Belief’.

Imagine them in the station waiting room as you start your journey through the day.

‘Belief’ says ‘It’s a good day! People are wonderful!’
‘Perception’ scuttles off out onto the platform and gathers evidence.
It soon returns.
‘Perception’ says to ‘Belief’ “How do you do it? It IS a good day, and people ARE wonderful!
You’re right again!”
‘Experience’ listens in .. and not wanting to be left out, delivers some fitting sensations.

© KASTO 123RF IMAGES 2016

So ... which thoughts will you pay attention to today?

THE GOLDEN RULE - I'M WITH GEORGE ON THIS ONE!

2/3/2016

I'M WITH GEORGE ON THIS ONE!

The Golden Rule as you’ll know, is the name given to the universal principle of reciprocity found in various forms in all the main world religions.

“Do unto others what you would like to be done to you”

It's been around for quite a while – at least since Confucius - and so as I'd not until recently thought to question it's wisdom!

But then I read somewhere that the Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw allegedly said this about it -

“Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may be different.”

This version of the Golden Rule really appeals to me - and certainly to the - some might say pedantic, part of me that gets upset when others seem to know what's best, without taking the trouble to first ask my view!

All of this reminds me of a favourite NLP presupposition (ie not necessarily true, but nevertheless considered often helpful) -

'The meaning of your communication is in the response you get’ .

Combining all the above three, we could perhaps say 'Find and if necessary, help others to find, what they would like - checking carefully all the while how they're responding.' I know it's a little wordy, but it will do for now!

The 3PS simplifies things further by reminding us of our innate compassion.

The Golden Rule is concerned with compassion, which arises from being and joining with another at every level. At the heart of compassion is the willingness to listen and simply to be with someone, recognising that we all share the same human experience, and that we’re all doing the best we can given our current state of mind.

And The Three Principles gently reminds us that we're able to do this only when we drop out of our own personal thinking.

THE FIVE MYTHS OF COMPASSION

25/1/2016

THE FIVE MYTHS OF COMPASSION

Compassion is spontaneous; it’s both a belief system and a way of being in the world; but to trust compassion, we first need some clarity.

For me and perhaps you also, it’s easier sometimes to start with what I believe to be untrue.

The paradox is that the truth then inevitably emerges!

Myth 1. Being compassionate means rolling over and giving people what they want.

Compassion requires courage. Compassion is intelligent, unconventional, unpredictable. On occasions it’s even accused of being outrageous! By trusting our own compassion, we extend and engender trust in others to do the same. Compassion demands that we take action, whether popular or not.

Myth 2. Compassion is all to do with judgement, and being righteous.

Whenever we link compassion with ‘rightness’ we have to involve judgement. We then enter the domain of righteousness, and very easily this can then become self-righteousness. Only when judgement is absent can there be unconditional acceptance – which surely is what compassion is all about? At its core, compassion heals through joining; and in doing so, it assumes a mindset of wholeness and rejects fragmentation and comparison.

Myth 3. Compassion is logical.

The constancy of compassion defies worldly logic, and so to attempt applying common logic to compassion is futile, other than to say it is synonymous with truth. Compassion is our true nature, yet we often forget this. Truth is permanent in nature; if it was temporary and not lasting, it would not be true. And so compassion, being true, is permanent, resilient, and durable. It is always available from within us, regardless of what’s happening in our lives. Compassion never leaves us; its presence is constant. Although our fears, anxieties, frustrations, and anger cause us to question the reality and logic of this, compassion is always there.

Myth 4. Compassion makes promises.

Compassion reminds us that we’re enough just the way we are. It remains in the present, accepting us unconditionally, and therefore sees no need to make future promises. Its gift is therefore not a future promise, but a present reality. Because compassion is ‘extended through’ and not ‘given by’, it makes no demands. It also has no need of being liked or liking another. Compassion is impersonal; it has no ego.

Myth 5. Compassion is measured by suffering and loss.

There are no degrees or levels of compassion; it’s a mindset and an attitude which does not differentiate or aim to score points. Whilst we are always able to find compassion beneath personal suffering and loss, compassion can emerge in every situation. Importantly, compassion is a shared acknowledgement of the challenges of life and a caring intention and as such calls us to often courageous action.

OCCASIONAL ARTICLES

YOU ARE HERE

BEHIND EVERY PICTURE ...

﻿A TRAIN OF THOUGHT

THE GOLDEN RULE - I'M WITH GEORGE ON THIS ONE!

THE FIVE MYTHS OF COMPASSION

A TRAIN OF THOUGHT